Combating Loneliness
What makes an unbreakable connection?
So, my wife pulled off a surprise birthday party for me a couple of weekends ago. And honestly, I might be the easiest person on earth to surprise. I miss everything. She could swap out a painting in the living room, and it’d take me a month to realize it was different. She notices everything, though. I could never pull something like this off for her—not that she’d want one. (Rule #1: Know thy wife.)
The party was great. I saw friends from every chapter of my life—kindergarten buddies, West Point classmates, and UT friends—in one place, which made me reflect on something: What makes a relationship last 35+ years?
Relationships are like steel cables, built strand by strand. Every connection starts with a single strand, such as physical attraction or shared location. As you discover similar interests, humor, or experiences, you add more strands, strengthening the bond. The more connections made, the stronger and more enduring the relationship becomes. However, relationships based on a single strand, like living in the same town or going to the same school, often break when circumstances change.
Then there’s nostalgia. This weird and powerful strand can pull people back together despite decades of not seeing each other. You meet up with an old friend, and it’s like no time has passed because that foundation of shared experiences holds strong. We love to be reminded of when we were young. But here’s the truth: not all relationships are meant to last forever. Some drift, and that’s okay. It doesnt make you a bad person; it’s just life. You evolve, and sometimes your connections don’t.
I recently read a Gallup poll that found that 1/4 of people worldwide are very lonely, now called a loneliness epidemic. I would not be surprised if more people working remotely and spending more time on digital platforms than physical locations are initiating this mass loneliness. More than ever, seeking out real friendships (not just digital ones) is essential. It starts with getting out of the house, beginning new hobbies, and finding people with similar interests. Start with a single strand of cable, and connections will be built.
Types of Friends
You’ve probably heard it before: you’re the average of the five people you spend the most time with. It’s more than a cliché—surrounding yourself with the right mix of friends is essential. Think of it like diversifying your portfolio. Just like you shouldn’t put all your money into one stock, you also shouldn’t rely on just one type of friend. You need a crew for different scenarios. Here’s the breakdown of the types of friends you should seek out:
The High-Agency Friend
This is the person who grabs life by the proverbial horns. They don’t sit around waiting for the world to give them a break; they create one. They don’t moan about the system; they hack it. High-agency people make things happen—full stop. Got a problem? They solve it. Need someone to help you bury a body (figuratively)? This is your call.
The Deep Thinker
This one’s got layers. While everyone else is wading in shallow waters, the Deep Thinker is diving into the deep end. They make you question things. Why? Because they’re not satisfied with easy answers or surface-level thinking. They don’t accept the world at face value, and being around them will challenge you to step up your intellectual game.
The Networker
This isn’t me, but maybe it’s you: the one who knows a guy for everything. Flat tire? They know a mechanic. Need a job? They’ve got three contacts on speed dial. These people got you into the invite-only event when you didn’t even know it existed. If you are this person, great—but remember to drag your introverted friends along. They need you to broaden their horizons.
The Fixer-Upper
Sometimes, it’s not about surrounding yourself with people more successful than you—it’s about paying it forward. The Fixer-Upper is that friend hustling and grinding but hasn’t hit their breakthrough yet. They have ambition and drive, and they will make waves with some support. Helping them win might be one of the most rewarding things you can do.
The Adventurer
This friend will shove you out of your comfort zone, and that’s good. They’ve already planned a backpacking trip or a mountain bike ride, and you weren’t even thinking about it. You might initially hate the idea, but you’ll thank them for the push by the time you're done. They keep you growing, testing your limits.
The Visionary/Optimist
Being around someone with a vision of a better future is incredibly inspiring. You want to go out and build something or do something great after spending little time with a visionary. Similar to the Adventurer, they push you past what you thought you could imagine the world could be. Let this person be your muse to find ways to imagine your future.
The Realist
Sometimes, after spending too much time with our Visionary friend, we need to be brought back down to reality. Someone who can be intellectually (and sometimes brutally) honest with you is the splash of cold water to the face we need to put things in perspective. Don’t let this friend turn you into a pessimist, but having balance in perspective grounds us.
Conclusion
You need different types of friends in your life. Each one adds a strand to your steel cable, strengthening it with every shared moment. The more connections, the more durable the bond. Some will break, but the strongest will endure through tough times. Surround yourself with the right people, and you’ll build a nearly indestructible network.
Don’t get captured,
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