A recent insight I heard on a podcast has been noodling around in my brain:
The things we admire in other people are actually our own strengths. And the things that annoy us most? They’re often our weaknesses.
I think this idea is psychologically grounding in a way that forces self-reflection. It made me ask:
What traits or values do I truly admire in others?
And what’s the difference between admiration and envy?
Is envy just admiration turned into resentment?
The traits we notice most in others—good or bad—are probably mirrors. They reflect, on a subconscious level, aspects of ourselves: strengths that lie dormant, or unresolved insecurities that haven’t been addressed. Admiration shows you what’s possible. Annoyance shows you what you avoid.
Admiration
Ever watched someone do something better than you and, instead of saying “Screw them,” felt drawn to it? Felt inspired? That’s admiration. It’s not envy. It’s resonance.
For example, I admire bold speakers. Not because I’m a bad one—in fact, I think public speaking is one of my strengths. But when I see someone really command a room, I don’t feel threatened. I feel fired up. I want to get better too.
Admiration can be a compass—it pulls you toward your better self.
Who I Admire
Once I understood that admiration reflects the values I aspire to, I made a list. Here’s who I admire—and why:
Scott is a NYU professor and successful entrepreneur turned media machine. I don’t always agree with him (which might be the most common compliment he gets), but I respect his boldness, his clarity in speaking truth, and his ability to challenge norms. His writing in No Mercy/No Malice is crisp and unapologetic. He commands attention with stats, sarcasm, and substance. I admire him so much I named my own writing outlet The Prof Z Project as a nod to his Prof G Pod.
I’ve been a fan since The 4-Hour Workweek published almost 20 years ago. Tim lives in frameworks. He experiments on himself and lives with intention. His systems thinking encouraged me to build my own tools and templates. He’s a reminder that life can be designed, not defaulted.
A fellow West Pointer, veteran, UT professor, and Austinite. Joseph is humble, mission-driven, and always building up others. I admire how he lifts people around him while getting sh*t done. I see his path as a version of what I hope mine evolves into.
Chris has a quiet intensity and deep curiosity. He packages intellectual insights in short, powerful maxims. That’s how I think too—I latch onto ideas and try to make them my own. He makes learning accessible, and I admire that as an educator.
A walking embodiment of discipline equals freedom. He’s not pretending. He lives it. That level of consistency and authenticity is rare. I like to think I’m disciplined—but watching Jocko reminds me there’s still another gear.
These people all operate with clarity, courage, and conviction. They run their lives like a well-designed system—and they scale their insight into action. That’s what I want to be known for too.
They’re not perfect. But perfect isn’t the goal.
Perfect means you’re done.
And I’m not done.
What Annoys Me (and Why It Matters)
Let me be brief, because I don’t like dwelling on the negative. But these irritations are signals. They help me understand my boundaries, my values—and maybe even the traps I want to avoid falling into.
• The need for extreme control or power
I value flexibility and earned influence, not dominance. I also value results. Getting things done without controlling everything—that’s impressive. With enough resources, anyone can eliminate risk. But doing something meaningful when you don’t hold all the strings? That’s leadership.
• People who are always unhappy
I believe happiness is largely a choice. I'm not talking about clinical depression or mental illness here—those are real, and they deserve support. I also recognize that genuine hardship and systemic challenges can create real barriers to people's wellbeing. But for most people, most of the time, happiness is a perspective. A mindset. And a decision. If your subconscious goal is to be unhappy, you'll find reasons to be. But the same is true the other way. I build systems to keep that perspective top of mind. Abundance is real—but you have to choose to see it, even when circumstances make that choice more difficult. Life is not supposed to be easy, but you can make the best of it while you're here.
• People who are fake or manipulative
This behavior feels dishonest. Yes, we all “play roles” at work or with strangers. But I’m talking about something deeper—when someone pretends to be someone they’re not in order to take. I prize genuine, earned trust. And I work in spaces (corporate, academia) where masks are common—so I may be especially sensitive to this. What bothers me most is seeing inauthenticity used as a tool to gain advantage rather than as a shield for vulnerability. True influence, in my view, comes from substance and genuine connection, not performance.
Mirrors
These annoyances might just be guardrails I set for myself:
I avoid becoming controlling by leaning into systems, openness, and adaptability.
I avoid emotional fragility by separating actions and tasks from feeling.
I avoid manipulation by surrounding myself with people who are real.
Both admiration and annoyance are mirrors.
What you admire is your aspirational self.
What you resent may be where your values are violated.
Try This
Do the honest audit for yourself:
Who do you admire, and why?
What does it say about the person you want to become?
What behaviors bother you?
What do they reveal about what you need to protect—or improve?
The world and what we are drawn to reflects who we are. We just might learn something if we pay attention.
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